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sharp, surprising stab in the back...

Birth and Death, Family, Istanbulemily kisa2 Comments

First off thinking and praying for my dearest auntie godmother who had a double mastectomy yesterday...Dearest Auntie I love you more than words! You are so special, kind, giving, thoughtful, selfless and wonderful! A true inspiration...you don't need boobs to be any of those things:) I promise to have a petite syrah and lentil soup ready to aid in a speedy recovery.

FUCK CANCER (sorry but swearing is necessary sometimes!)

As far as thoughts of my father we still are going through the motions, living life and able to laugh and talk about dad but then it(the reality of his absence) sneaks up behind you and stabs you in the back...but as my mom said that is good. We need to feel it.

The most recent tear-jerker was this morning, a card from my great-aunt Audrey who lives in Arizona:

My most outstanding memory of Kim is when he met me at the airport after Dayton died(my father's father). He greeted me with a big hug and his famous smile, and I thought:"I bet he learned to show warmth that way from Theresa(mom)." Us Johnsons, my generation and previous ones for sure, were pretty much taught not be very demonstrative. So I thank you for your love for him and for helping him and will always remember him that way. He really made me feel like family.

So thank you Aunt Audrey for the note and for keeping in touch! Very special!

The above photo is from when my mom and dad came to Turkey to check out this other life. It makes my heart so happy that my dad got to meet the future in-laws and see just what I have been living. It one thing to hear about places but a whole other to experience them.

My dad's neck had gotten really cramped from his first really long plane trip. Well at the time we blamed the trip but in hindsight we wonder if it had to do with the cancer? I was helping support his neck so he could see the beautiful domed ceilings at the Hagia Sophia mosque/church(a must when you all come visit us in Istanbul:).We were laughing away of course.

The one time I could support my dad. He loved and supported us countless unasked times. I realize now something I sort of took for granted, the solid rock, supportive roots that was my father. But now I ask myself "WWKD" -What Would KAJMAN Do? How would my father do it? It helps.

I was inspired to post this pic since my dear seester has a photo of her and dad on facebook. It is good to be reminded even though it hurts.

Thanks to all for sharing stories they mean a lot to us. Never forget.