As my baby is almost two it means we have been without our fathers for two years...can that be?
We hold on to little things that bring them back to us...my father-in-law's kepekli ekmek(wheat bread) he would always buy, a diet coke can can make me cry or put a huge smile on my face...
Here is a revisit to a post I wrote;
I feel as if there is a giant blow dryer on high pointed at Turkey between the hours of 12 and 4 o'clock!
Hot wind...I sweat as I sit trying not to move or even think somedays.
I look out my window...brown dry weeds except next to the houses which have gorgeous pops of pink puffy bougainvillea flowers and well tended greens.
I wipe my brow.
Through my gauzy white curtains I see the piles of house rubble that blocks my view. Will city ever come take it? Illegal dumping is a big problem in Didim.
Chug a glass of cold water...
I look at my dog. She is too hot to eat, too hot to bark, she just sleeps and pants heavily, noisily.
I look down at my belly. Wonder how my growing daughter inside is doing. If she will be like her mother(crazy in the heat) or her father(who much prefers hot over cold).
I wipe the sweat. Taste the salt.
I look past the dry brown dirt, the dead weeds, the one abandoned house and then I see it...
the beautiful blue Aegean sea. REFRESHES ME! We are so fortunate to be next to the sea.
As my belly grows my body feels so heavy. My fingers swell. Wedding ring off. My feet pound with presser.
Blue beautiful water outside my window. Rush to get my suit on!
I waddle down to the beach, my duck walk as my husband coined it.
Throw everything down! Can't get there fast enough!
Immediately the cold water calms me, relieves my heat induced surliness, my feet throb and cramp until they get used to the water. I dive in fully...
Ahhhh...cold. I feel light for now, free, my movements open. My hips can bend.
I can be on my back(which you can't do when u are pregnant only sleep on your sides).
I taste the salty sea, it cleanses me.
Light and relaxed I twirl my arms, back stroking, loosening up my joints and muscles. I take deep Yoga breaths. I think of my mother when I back stroke...she always loves this at the cabin, on the lake, in Minnesota.
My mind opens as my body does. Free, light, I am blessed. I think about our fathers, my husbands and mine, the cancer. The change. I hold my breath and plunge back down into the sea.
Grasp for air. Look up at the blue sky that reflects down on the clear water making it appear blue- MAVI in Turkish. Some days dark and fierce, others turquoise and calm, green or Grey...so beautiful. I know our baby loves the swimming.
I think about the Pacific Ocean off the California coast. How different that water is than this; colder, darker, more wild. How different my life was there.
As I float I am still, close my eyes and listen...
Listen to my own breath under water, I wonder if this is what my breath sounds like to my baby. If that is why I get nostalgic from listening to my mother breath.
LISTEN...waves, birds, muffled underwater.
I float...I thinking of fun cabin times on old Tractor tires. Family
My eyes open... my hands wade, my belly, my feet and then the bottom of the sea. The water is so clear.
My father when we were little. When I would put my foot in his hands and he would throw me high in the sky. I would plunge back down into the lake water, loving every second!
The sun is starting to set. The air is cooling. My husband swims out to me.
I love the sea.
“The cure for anything is salt water
- sweat, tears, or the sea” -Isak Dinesen-
As two years have passed now we are celebrating the little things that bring them back to us and to new things that move us forward...
I am going to go throw my baby around in the sea now...xo